I was recently asked what advice I would give to those who wanted to succeed and achieve their goals. I always take questions like this very seriously, because to be honest I think I’m still working to achieve the goals I have set for myself. However, I’ve been living by 7 principles since the day that my parents (mother and stepfather) moved us out of the trailer park.

Truth is I come from very humble beginnings and I remember them vividly. My father left my mother when I was very young. My mother had no formal education beyond high school, so she was required to work three jobs to support her two girls and even then those three jobs often didn’t make ends meet. We struggled and we learned what it was like to be poor. I was young, but I believe growing up in these circumstances and watching my mother do whatever it took instilled in me the drive that I have to succeed.  Since I can remember, I’ve lived by the following principles:

1. Principle 1: Never ever give up or count yourself out.
2. Principle 2: Strive to learn something new every day.
3. Principle 3: Keep the passion about what you do.
4. Principle 4: Be willing to share your knowledge.
5. Principle 5: Don’t rest on your laurels.
6. Principle 6: There is no job too small, there is opportunity everywhere – it’s your job to be aware of it.
7. Principle 7: Be willing to help others achieve their dreams.

Watching my mother struggle and do the best that she could I vowed that I’d always be able to take care of myself. I’ve done that. I always thought that I wanted to work in accounting, because it was secure and you didn’t hear of many layoffs when it came to number crunching. I wanted to take the stability route – but realized my passion was in something else… marketing.

The realization came from a gig that I truly started as a hobby in 1998 – it was a small Internet company, called The Mining Company. I agreed to write articles for $100 per month on how individuals and businesses could communicate using online technology – wow, who ever would have thought it would take me down the path it did. This opportunity, that I considered a hobby took my career path down a different road. I started to study consumers every day – what made them respond, what triggered the correct response and what did they want from companies that would make them buy. Over time I had learned more about the consumers mind than I ever would have had I graduated college with a marketing degree.

In 2003 I was accepted to write for the Marketing column for About.com, formerly known as The Mining Company and now owned by The New York Times. In 2009 I became a published author of Consumer Behavior for Dummies and all because I lived by the seven rules above.

The Facts: You can do what you put your mind to, if you are committed and you are driven there is nothing that can stop you; too many people give up too soon. I still write for About.com and now consult with businesses on using integrated marketing to reach potential customers and get them to respond by purchasing their products or services.

I even went as far as to write my own definition of marketing, because I felt the definitions that were used were too vague. My marketing definition:

“Marketing is the process of teaching consumers why they should choose your product or service over your competitors; if you are not doing that you are not marketing. It’s really that simple! The key is finding the right method and defining the right message to use to educate and influence your consumers.

Companies make the mistake of thinking that marketing is just “one” thing, but marketing is everything that the consumer encounters when it comes to your business, from advertising, to what they hear, to the customer service that they receive, to the follow-up care that you provide. It’s all marketing and creating the decision within the consumer whether or not to choose you initially or for repeat business.”

I’ve been blessed with so many opportunities from speaking, to being published by a top publishing company and under a recognized brand, to working with tremendous clients. My secret is that I strive to learn something new every day and I believe this makes me stand out in knowledge and from among my competition.

This is my site, so I want to just take a moment to rant about online dating. I entered the realm of online dating nearly 7 years ago. I used to blame the fact that my picker doesn’t work well, then I started to look a little deeper especially when writing about the behavior of consumers and how we as individuals respond in order to get what we want. My findings have made me not only cynical but very leery when it comes to online dating and matchmaking.

Why?

Individuals tend to create profiles that represent their “ideal” self or who it is that they want to be rather than their “actual” self which is who they are today. I had one person say to me, well isn’t that marketing? Of course it’s marketing, but is it realistic and can they live up to their “marketing” claims? Will their product, which is themselves deliver?

I’ll be honest being 37 makes it a little more difficult to date and find “the many” I mean “the one.” Why? Because, as I get older, so do those that I am dating. Which means more baggage, more issues and more obstacles to overcome. It’s not like we just graduated college and are starting off with a clean slate together to wander off and live happily ever after.

I’d love to believe the success stories of online matchmaking, and I used to think I had a few of my own — but time has proven me wrong. I’ve dated alcoholics, serial cheaters, non-committers and those with psychological and personality disorders. I’ve met those that claim to be something they are not and those that have undersold themselves drastically. I’ve had conversations with some before meeting only to find the “chemistry” we thought was their dissolved when we met face-to-face.

The truth is I think there are more horror stories when it comes to online dating than success stories, and as much as I wish I could believe that the fairytale is only a click away the more I’m faced with the reality of that simply not being the case.

What would fix the online dating scene and matchmaking experience? Why not allow reviews of others who date individuals? You know like a 4-star rating scale. I think it would weed out the deceptive and those projecting only a fantasy and not the truth. Of course those involved in the industry of online dating would never allow this because then they would lose members which means losing revenue — in other words it’s quantity versus quality.

There are so many stories of stalkers, looney-toons and “liars” that have been encountered from online matchmaking, if only these individuals could not continue the deception — perhaps the industry would change and become a more genuine place to meet matches. Just think about all of those who are married or in relationships but are still surfing the matchmaking sites because it’s become an addiction for the ego stroke they desire.

Now, before some of you start posting comments on how I must have had my heartbroken and this is simply my retaliation — I will challenge you in that. I’m a girl who is willing to walk away when the “magic” is not there, I’m the one who will be so bluntly honest on the phone that I will tell you I simply don’t know what it is that I want right now in my life, I will also sit across the table from some and as uncomfortable as it is tell them I’m just not interested and I’m also a person who many people confide in when it comes to their online dating experiences.

As I said, it’s tough being 37 and single. It’s hard to meet your match when your life is shaded by the past experiences of relationships. I have married people that look at me with the view that my life is greener — get a clue — as one friend said the grass is always greener on the otherside because you don’t have to take care of it. Life is tough being single today, it’s tough being married as well but hell at least you have a partner.

As a single professional woman I face the emptiness of a home every night. I face going to bed alone every night and I struggle with the idea that the fairytale simply isn’t real anymore and that the chances of me growing old alone increases daily. My point is where as the integrity of individuals gone and why can’t people just be who they are without deception and hidden agendas?

It’s been awhile since I’ve written. I go through these periods where my work takes up so much time that I often don’t have new information to post, unless I share personal life stories like I once did. I don’t know how interesting those are. What I do know is life at 35 can sometimes be as difficult as it was at 17 — with only a new set of challenges to deal with.

Could I still be trying to discover who it is that I am? It’s like creating a marketing strategy and defining the components. I’m a mother (half the time unfortunately), a director, a writer, a friend and in a relationship that seems to be taking it’s share of my energy lately.

Isn’t it funny — when we go through life changes we sometimes alter our appearance to make us feel better — I suppose you could define it as rebranding your identity, much like you would when rebranding a product.

You start at square one — defining your benefits, your talents and your purpose. On the outside it reflects — perhaps it’s a new haircut, a new workout regimen, or even a new wardrobe.

Let’s hope in my rebranding process, I not only come out strong on the outside but on the inside as well.